Painful Truth

Over the last couple days of being stuck inside with my thoughts, I have had to make painful decisions.

I started HRT (hormone replacement therapy) in mid september. It has been super exciting, but one big effect of the testosterone, is weight gain. All of my life I have been underweight and didn’t have to buy new jeans or pants very often. However, I have gained a significant amount of weight ever since September.

It has been difficult to admit it to myself, telling myself that I am healthy often feels like a lie. But its true, I am finally healthy, at a good weight for my size. A huge thing in the fashion community is how the clothes fit each individual. We are so use to seeing these tall and skinny models strutting down the runway and base our own appearances on these unrealistic expectations. We see photoshopped instagram models and sit jealous while we stare at our stomach roll and stretch marks.

I think learning to love your body and its uniqueness to you is one of the first things to finding your style. The most important thing to you should be whats under the fabric. This skin and bones will be stuck with you, you cannot spend forever wishing you had someone else’s. Trust me, I had always wished I were tall and lanky with an awesome jawline. Hell, I would kill to look like Hozier. But I am growing to be happy with looking like Asher. There is only one Asher. All of these moles, scars, bumps, and stretchmarks are mine and mine only. And they are beautiful. Every curve and bend. All the hairs and nails. I will love them more and more each day.

With that being said, I am spending my days inside finding new pants on Depop and lowballing the crap out of sellers. I mean, I seriously just got a pair of fleece lined L.L. Bean cargo pants for $10 dollars. It is awesome. And this weekend I will being hitting all the thrift stores in an attempt to replace the staples of my fashion statements. It is hard but I will be just fine.