Faces are hard to forget, for me. It is hard to forget the face that was with me when I couldn’t stand. It is hard to ignore the faces that helped me. It is harder to forget the face that hurt me. I have played faces in my head until I see nothing. I have run through each person’s face until I see myself in a glimpse. I cannot afford to see his face, but I did see hers.
Walking to this class I saw her face, again. It was her eyes I recognized above all else, more than her name, or a single thought to mind. We stood frozen on cracks in sidewalks that would break our mother’s backs. We stood recognizing each other. It had been two months since I had seen her, but she knew me in an instant. I spoke first, though it didn’t sound like much. I needed to know that she was who I thought she was. I asked if she worked at OU Health, where I had seen so many faces. Her eyes looked at me as if they had been there watching over every day since.
Yes. Yes meant she knew me when I couldn’t stand. The last time I had stood was when I was whole. I was now artificially whole, mended with metal. She is the one who got me to stand on my own on November 12th. I needed her. I remembered needing her. Meaning she remembered me needing her. At that moment I needed her again. Our hands splayed out in front of one another in an embrace. Before I could register to hug her, I was trying to shout thank you while tears cut my voice from me.
With the same eyes that watched me take my first step, post-op., she scanned my leg. I saw her eyes grow as she realized it had only been two months. I was standing, unassisted, in minimal pain. I told her about the walker, turning to crutches, to my Grandad’s old cane, and eventually unassisted. She watched as I showed her my knee bending to 155 degrees. I told her my initial was 49 degrees the last time I saw her face. We stood, still on the sidewalk, staring at my leg. We stared at my leg, knowing I was artificially whole. We stared knowing I hated how we knew each other. We stared knowing I was lucky to know her.