A Teenage Nightmare- A Writing of Twin Fantasy by Car Seat Headrest

Ah, Twin Fantasy. An album which is a cult classic for those who enjoy the alternative rock scene with a side of a sad, teenage love story. When I first read the syllabus for Doppelgängers and Doubles, my mind immediately went to this album and its contents- the amount of parallels explored in this album were too easy to NOT write about for such class.

Context

Before we get into the parallels of Twin Fantasy, allow me to explain a small bit of history behind Twin Fantasy and the history of albums (yes, there are two versions of Twin Fantasy).

In 2011, Will Toledo, the singer of a one-man-band (during this time, at least), Car Seat Headrest, sat in the closet of his dorm room to record Twin Fantasy (Mirror to Mirror), also known as the original recording of Twin Fantasy. Fast forward seven years, Toledo now has access to bandmates, a much nicer recording studio, and an ambition to re-record his original, grainy version of Twin Fantasy- which he exactly did. The 2018 version of Twin Fantasy (Face to Face), though may not possess the same, raw emotion Twin Fantasy (Mirror to Mirror) has, it still has a similar charm to the original, and even pays tribute to the emotional wounds Toledo has healed within those seven years.

A False Perception of his Lover

“Twin Fantasy,” hence the name, is an album about making up a person. This album regards the fantasy of falling in love with the idea of a person, not the actual person themselves. It is an album that regards the pain of feeling loved, only for that love to crumble because you cannot let go. Each and every song flows with each other, showing a story of a teenage boy who not only clings onto the queer love he desperately yearns for, he also learns that he sees himself through his lover, as a mirror of himself, while desperately clinging onto what he is telling himself is “the truth” of his relationship, when it is far from believed.

Beach Life-In-Death: Arguably one of the best tracks in this album. A rambling of Toledo’s stories with his past lover, and an ode to phenomenology: where all meaning of life is derived from the lived experiences of human beings.

“and pretty soon you’ll find some nice young

satanist with braces, and one

capital o, significant other

and you can take him home to your mother

and say ‘ma, this is my brother'”

-Beach Life-In-Death by Will Toledo

In this quote, we see the concept of phenomenology expressed through the similar interests and physicalities as Toledo, therefore he can see himself in them. This ends up backfiring later because Toledo ends up creating a character, a fantasy of his lover, which causes the relationship to go into shambles.

In the near beginning of Twin Fantasy, a track named “Stop Smoking (We Love You)” is a track where Toledo literally tells his lover to stop smoking.

Stop smoking, we love you
Stop smoking, we love you
Stop smoking, we love you

Stop smoking, we love you
Stop smoking, we love you
Stop smoking, we love you
And we don’t want you to die

We don’t want you to die
We don’t want you to die
We don’t want you to die
We don’t want you to die
We don’t want you to die
We don’t want you to die
We don’t want you to die

-Stop Smoking (We Love You) by Will Toledo

Later on in the album, in a track called “High to Death,” these lyrics are flipped around, and Toledo contradicts himself by telling his lover: “keep smoking, I love you” repeatedly.

Keep smoking, I love you
Keep smoking, I love you
Keep smoking, I still love you

But I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die
I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die
I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die
I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die

-High to Death by Will Toledo

The parallels between these two tracks show the desperation Toledo is clinging onto. The desperation of him wanting to stay with his lover, despite the incompatibility they both have with each other. He grips onto the fantasy he came up with in his head in order to cope with the differences Toledo and his partner face, but truth avails.

Twins and Doubles

I decided to write about this album for this class due to how much it reminded me of Basquiat’s “Famous” diptych. Though “Twin Fantasy” and “Famous” are two different concepts with two different themes, they both have similar elements regarding “expectation vs reality” in a person and how “everything is not as it seems.” In Twin Fantasy, the “double” or “mirrored-self” could be interpreted as Toledo’s perception of his lover vs. the reality of his lover and how it has driven him to a spiral of madness, OR Toledo seeing himself in his lover, seeing that they are the same person with similar interests, and how Toledo does not want to let go of his “doppelgänger” because he will never find someone as similar to him, while ignoring the fact that keeping his partner around will only hurt him more. No wonder people say “opposites attract” in the dating realm.