It’s 2:33 AM and I’m looking out my apartment window. The lamp posts are on and the porch lights from the neighboring houses illuminate the street below.
The Resident Evil: Village DLCs just came out and one of them focuses on Rosemary Winters, the daughter of the main game’s protagonist, Ethan Winters. The DLC, Shadow of Rose, is very meta and involves Rose killing mutated versions of herself and confronting her mommy and daddy issues.
As someone who is actively confronting her own mommy and daddy issues, you can guess how well this went over with me.
It caused me to spiral and mourn the loss of my childhood. Similar to Rose, I didn’t get a real childhood. Rose’s was taken away due to supernatural powers given to her by the megamycyte and the security force that watched over her. Mine was taken away from me by my parents. Sure, it wasn’t intentional. My mom couldn’t help that her mental illness took over and caused her to become a real-life Mrs. Everdeen from The Hunger Games. My dad was so desperate to cling to the illusion of happiness and the idea of being a parent that he burdened me with the role of caretaker, daughter, and messenger between him and my mom. I know he just wanted to provide for us the best he can, and I had to step up because he wasn’t allowed in the house, but they took something from me that I will never get back.
Those years of my life are gone, and I never got to be a kid. I wake up every day wondering what I missed out on and dreading how it negatively affected my development. Is that the reason why I can’t sleep at night? Is that the reason why I have a cruel sense of responsibility for everyone around me? Is that why I’m burnt out and emotionally underdeveloped?
Shadow of Rose caused Rose to mourn her childhood and the life she’ll never have, and she dragged me down with her in her spiral.