This post isn’t about a video essay. I’ve not been watching as many recently, I just don’t have the same mental and emotional capacity to relax and enjoy new topics and content right now as I do when I’m less busy, don’t have finals coming up, don’t have to worry about setting up the rest of my undergrad correctly, don’t have to worry about getting into medical school and then residency, don’t have to think about the what ifs and the can’ts and the shoulds and shouldnts. Stress lessens my curiosity and makes me more closed off to the world and I hate that. But it’s necessary sometimes.
This school year has been a massive accomplishment. I didn’t know if I was going to go to college 6 years ago, and now I’m going to be moving onto my second year of college. It’s surreal and scary and exciting and hopeful and so so many things. All things that are difficult to express and almost too tender to be spoken about. There’s little room for doubt. My classes are difficult enough that I must have confidence that I will succeed one way or another if only I focus on taking things one step at a time. It can be exhausting to feel like I can’t falter, but thankfully, I have support systems that remind me that my idea of faltering is quite harsh. Perfectionism can drive me crazy, and with some high-stakes things going on in college, it’s really important that I have people to help me from spiraling out, thinking that every little thing needs to be perfect. I’m so grateful for my family, my friends, my girlfriend, and my professors for helping me to keep on growing, learning, and absorbing things as best I can.
Liubava Ugriumova
May 5, 2025 — 1:39 am
Congrats on finishing this year! I feel like it is important to acknowledge that our own inner critic is usually much harsher than everyone around us
Mykaela Cole
May 5, 2025 — 3:12 am
This is such a vulnerable and beautifully written post. You’ve captured that tension so many of us feel, the pressure to keep everything together when it feels like the weight of your future is sitting on your shoulders, and the grief of losing touch with the parts of yourself. The fact that you’ve come so far from wondering if college was even on the table to preparing for your second year and aiming for med school is incredible. That’s not just academic growth, it’s personal strength. That’s something to be deeply proud of!
Savannah Jackson
May 5, 2025 — 4:36 am
I really relate to this post. The stress can definitely make it harder to enjoy things and feel curious. It’s amazing how far you’ve come, especially considering where you were just a few years ago. I love how you recognize the importance of support systems and how they help you avoid falling into perfectionism. Keep taking things one step at a time—you’re doing great, and growth happens even in the small moments!