The Strangest Book I’ve Ever Read – The Immortal Von B. by M. Scott Carter

This is by far the strangest book I’ve ever read.

Since this is such an obscure novel and because I think this will be the most entertaining, I’m going to offer you my full experience of reading the book rather than just reviewing it. Major spoilers incoming!!!

Let me begin by telling you how I got this book. In high school, I was a member of the OKYWW (Oklahoma Young Writer’s Workshop)’s teen board. So, I represented the organization at ZineFest and LitFest where I got to meet a publisher from The Roadrunner Press. She was giving out books for free and she decided to pitch me The Immortal Von B. Her pitch described the novel as a time-travel romance. The tagline on the cover supports this pitch: “What chance has love when you’re 200 years apart?” And even though I personally despise the romance genre, I didn’t want to be rude to a publisher who could one day publish my books. Besides, time-travel sounds cool. The tagline on the cover supports this pitch: “What chance has love when you’re 200 years apart?”

There is no time travel in this book.

The story goes as follows: Josie Brunswick, our protagonist, moves to Austria from Oklahoma when her dad, a scientist that works in regeneration, gets a promotion. While there, her mother, a well-known pianist who specializes in Beethoven’s music, ends up dying from cancer. In the time afterwards, Josie and her father grow closer apart.

Speed-forward to Josie in high school: a rebellious teen who loves to play guitar who attends a high school where children from all over the world attend. She only has one friend, Fa8 (fate), who also shares her interest in music and who has recently been pressuring her to host a rave party in the big mansion she lives in.

One day, they go on a field trip to a museum where a woman is discussing a special occasion where they have collected relics from Beethoven’s life. And one girl, who is described as a prissy British girl, complains and complains because, in her words, who cares about Beethoven anymore? Josie stands up and gets very upset, yelling at the girl, driven by both her love for music and her mom. The museum curator takes note of this and later speaks to her, awed to find a teenager who cares about the classics. When she learns who her mother is, she becomes excited and begins to show her all of Beethoven’s relics they’ve collected. She gets the special privilege of touching everything, including a piano he had and a scarf he wore.

Then, the rave happens at the large mansion. While Fa8 parties off with his friends, Josie is confronted by the son of the prime minister of Canada (no, I do not know why he is in Austria, and on that note, why no one knows German in this book). He thinks the WGC, the organization her dad works for, is a shady organization that can’t be trusted and the only way she can prove otherwise is by showing in the lab.

But she doesn’t know how to sneak in. So she looks at the keypad and starts to figure it out, with him right behind her. And, of course, since she made no effort to hide it and he’s right behind her, he simply must follow her into the lab and see what’s up! When they enter, Josie decides to demonstrate how his machine works (she knows how it works as she’s been in there before with her dad, she’s just never been allowed in by herself). She picks a hair from her sweater, puts it into the machine to be replicated, and lets it do its work. It won’t be done for a good amount of time (can’t remember now), so they leave and the rave ends relatively shortly afterward.

And at this point in the story I’m thinking: When is the time travel gonna come in? Surely it must have something to do with her dad’s lab.

And I was correct.

Strangely, the machine replicates a 19-year-old boy, conveniently the same age as Josie. And the first time Josie sees him, her thoughts are, to phrase it eloquently: he’s naked and hot.

And my immediate thought was No.

No.

At this point, everything started to click in my head, but I didn’t want to accept it.

Now, I’m afraid I left something out earlier. When Josie was looking around the museum, she picked up the scarf and smelled it, keeping it close to her face.

And her sweater.

No no no no no no.

And if the hair she replicated produced a man….

No. This can’t be real.

Yes.

Yes it was.

The Immortal Von B. is a love story between a teenage girl and a 19-year old Beethoven.

Um.

Get it? Von B. in the title refers to Ludwig von Beethoven.

Haha, isn’t that so creative?

…

I can’t be the only one who thinks this is f***ing weird, right?

At first, I held on to hope. Surely, the protagonist wouldn’t fall in love with Beethoven. Surely, this isn’t a novel that’s trying to make Beethoven, a real person from I don’t even know how many years in the past, a bachelor for teenage women? But no….To make it even worse? It’s not just a pairing, it’s a love triangle where she chooses Beethoven over Fa8. Because of course, the man from 200 years ago is a much better partner.

Oh, and also, they never explain why he’s conveniently 19. Or knows English. They question it, but they say it must have just been fate. I instead will choose to call it an incredibly convenient plot device (please note my sarcasm).

The worst part is that the publisher knew she had to lie to me to get me to read that book, not just to me in person, but also through the tagline. Josie and …Beethoven… don’t have any problems getting together due to being 200 years apart (although they should have)! I honestly find it a little funny.

After I finished reading, I decided to look and see if Josie Brunswick was the name of a real lover Beethoven had and there was some deeper meaning behind the story and it was a truly thought-out, well-articulated story that talked about how music changed over time.

…

Need I say more?

I simply can’t wait to see what people think about this.